whiskey in a teacup . com

I’ve thought this to myself dozens of times over the years, but now it must be said publicly:  If I ever meet the man who designed the interchange between routes 93 and 95 (or, since I imagine he had since killed himself out of shame, if I ever meet his children, or his children’s children), I genuinely hope I bring a pair of elbow length gloves and a bucket of Crisco to that meeting.

If you cough hard enough, you can trigger the gag reflex in such a way that you feel the unique sensation of being a sea cucumber that’s about to turn itself inside-out.

After a particularly brutal night of insomnia (is it still considered insomnia when searing pain is keeping you awake?), I scrambled to get up for what I thought was an early morning doctor’s appointment.  Things were especially stressful because Jared was to take me to the appointment, and was also hurrying to shower and get dressed.  Taking a moment to sip some coffee, I checked my calendar and realized with horror that the appointment wasn’t until two in the afternoon.

Lamenting this pratfall to Jared, I remarked, “I’m having a real Oskar Schindler moment here…I could have slept for two more hours!  Two more hours, at least!”

Looking at me bemusedly he replied, “I’m having the opposite of an Oskar Schindler moment, myself.”

-MINDY FUCKING KALING gave a twitter shout-out to my birthday buddy and fellow wife-of-a-Trafalgar-boy Erin and her two-woman comedy show, The Meaning of Wife.  That is some cred right there.   Way to be, Erin!

-We are fortunate to have two air conditioners in our small condo, but (get ready for a very interesting description of the layout of my home!) one is at the front of the house in the office/music stuff room, and the other one is in the back near the galley kitchen and our bedroom.  The living room is in the middle of the house, which means it receives no direct AC.  We try to use a series of fans to move cool air into the living room, but this proves only vaguely effective and also very LOUD when we are trying to watch illegally downloaded episodes of True Blood.

-Speaking of True Blood, how awesome-slash-horrifying is that “regenerating vampiric hymen” subplot?  Man oh man, did I ever cross my legs after that scene.

-My mom has recently emerged from a very long and seemingly hopeless polypharmaceutical haze.  She now walks steadily, speaks clearly, and has affect in her voice like a real person.  It’s pretty great.  I did not handle the bad times very well but honestly, you can’t reason with people who are whacked out of their skulls on megadoses of psych medication, nor can you force adults to change their behavior.   To quote my man LC, “Thanks for the sadness you took from her eyes/I thought it was there for good, so I never tried”.

-A co-worker hit my car in the parking lot at work, and during the repairs I had to drive an “almond” colored Kia Optima.  It was lame, huge, and had an automatic transmission which only cemented my already ragingly snobby belief that automatics are for losers.  It also had (brace yourselves) no satellite radio which meant I had to listen to NPR in the morning like a fucking commoner.  Tragic, yes, but now I have my car back and it has a shiny new bumper and plays Howard Stern whenever I tell it to.

-The weekend is here and I am going to spend it eating cheese and visiting my friend’s newborn baby, who was humorously born white even though his parents are black and Hispanic.  I guess that’s just something that happens, but we were all pretty amused.

I’m annoyed that all the coverage of Eunice Kennedy Shriver’s death mentions how she was inspired to start the Special Olympics by her sister Rosemary’s “intellectual disability”.  None of the reports I’ve heard have mentioned that Rosemary’s disability was caused by a forced lobotomy, which destroyed her personality, emotions, independence, and ability to function.  Nor do they mention that her family, who certainly had the resources to keep her at home, stuck her in an institution for much of her life.  Nor do they mention that due to the effects of the lobotomy she was unable to participate in sporting events and therefore couldn’t even partake in the Special Olympics.  To present her as someone who just happened to be born mentally retarded is an unacceptable insult.

I opened a claim with my car insurance provider tonight, and after taking some information the customer service rep said I would get a call back shortly.  Soon a different rep called me, and we spoke briefly before she closed the conversation by saying:

“So we’re going to get this all taken care of for you…we’ve already spoken with Jared and we know you’re worried!”

After I donned my tin-foil hat, I reckoned that they called Jared to fill him in because he’s #1 on our insurance policy while I am just #2 (I am the woman after all, har har!) and that he, referencing a recent instant message from me in which I noted what an awfully stressful couple of weeks I’ve been having, made an off-hand remark about my desire for a smooth claims process.  But still, it’s saying something when random strangers comment on your anxiety level during a five minute customer service call.