For complicated personal reasons, I recently started listening to local radio after not having heard it for about four years.What I’ve learned from this experience is that local radio is, on the balance, fucking terrible.There’s one station that’s like “Double-you whatever, Boston’s craaaaaziest mix!Our variety will blow your nose clean off your face!We play everything!”but what they really mean by “everything” is “everything from dickless rock from the late nineties, to dickless rock from the early 2000s”.It’s bloody awful.And since I only listen to the radio in the car, it often occurs to me that if I get into a wreck, this crap could be the last thing I ever hear.I’ll be goddamned if I die listening to Coldplay.
So this brings to mind a semi-recent conversation over ice cream, in which the topic of The Worst Songs Ever came up.Years ago, a friend told me her list, which notably featured “The Heat is On” as well as the Bruce Springsteen Christmas song.It’s a charming list, really.Most of the songs on my own list were on heavy rotation when I was in high school and either trapped in friends’ cars or sitting in a depressed, listless heap in front of VH1, but some others have snuck in as well.The list includes:
“Barely Breathing” by Duncan Sheik
“Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman
“Kiss From a Rose” by Seal (I was delighted when another member of our party volunteered this himself! Though, props for being married to Heidi Klum)
“Daughters” by John Mayer (ask me about the time I quite literally almost vomited when this came on during a particularly stressful day)
Basically anything by Steely Dan (though props for naming yourselves after a dildo)
There are plenty of others, but they don’t spring to mind as instantly as the aforementioned. I am currently accepting submissions.